As part of my ‘birth keeping' role as a doula, I’ve been finding myself in the frontline of birth for 10 years now. I get to deeply ‘see’ women during their pregnancy, to hold space for meeting their fears and desires and observe them transforming and maturing in readiness for birth. During birth, I get to witness everything and see how each individual journey unfolds as the peak of the initiation to motherhood. I also get to see how their chosen caregivers treat them; how much they trust her to birth her baby, how much they interfere and what they consider ‘risk’ (and believe me, it differs from caregiver to caregiver). Finally, I get to accompany women through their birth integration; some are left ‘broken’ from their experience, some are left empowered.
From early on in my journey as a doula, I saw that my passion to bring change in birth practices in my community could not be contained by bureaucratic procedures and liabilities. Birth is a womanly matter and therefore I have been choosing to put women and their babies in the centre of my practice.
My motto has been ‘bringing change one birth at a time’.
Bringing Birth Wisdom to a Wider Audience
Since I became pregnant, I have been deeply immersed in making my work more accessible. I have been recording an online library which distils all my knowledge and experience around the multilayered preparation for birth as nature intended - a rite of passage which deserves reverence and sacredness.
The Gap Between Natural Birth Ideals and Practice
As I was recording a section on “gentle birth,” a topic so close to my heart, I found myself struggling with how much to share and how deeply to dive into the truth about birth. There is a growing movement advocating for natural birthing, and many institutions proudly advertise themselves as being ‘pro-natural.’ That’s commendable—until one compares the physiological needs of the birthing process with what is ACTUALLY happening at the moment of birth. As a doula, I get to witness that very closely and come in contact with the ‘marks’ that it leaves on a woman's life. Despite this ‘natural birth movement,’ we still deviate significantly from what is truly natural for our species. This leaves me contemplating: how much should I say? How much do I reveal?
The True Essence of a Gentle Birth and The Reality of Institutional Birth Practices
A gentle birth respects the newborn baby’s transition from the dark, safe familiar space of the womb into the world. This means considering the sensory AND emotional input the baby receives. Ideally, conception happened in love, sacredness, ecstasy, and perhaps quietness, but definitely not in stress and fear. Just as sexual functions cannot thrive in stress, neither can birth! This is how babies deserve to enter the world!
However, reality often contrasts starkly with the real physiological needs for birth. When birth happens at an institution, no matter how ‘undisturbed’ the whole process of birthing has been, the moment the baby is crowning, the atmosphere becomes stressful, full of question marks and FEAR. Everyone is shouting, "Push, push, push!" Is this the first experience we want for our babies? Is this how we want to introduce them to the world? The environment becomes crowded with gloved hands attempting to protect the woman’s perineum, gloved hands attempting to catch her baby - hands that are not her own.
The Impact
What does this do to a woman? It makes her feel incapable, as if she needs saving. This is not the best start to motherhood, is it? It sends a message that she can’t do it herself and that someone else, who is ‘specialised’ and supposedly knows better, has to do it for her;
💡to tell her how far she is into labour, by sticking their gloved hands into her vagina - all the way to her cervix - at times denying to her that she is in labour at all!
💡to coach her to push - at times even before her body is ready
💡to ‘help’ her birth her baby out of her own body by cutting her perineum to make a bigger whole, or pulling the baby out with a ventouse or forceps…
BUT here’s the truth: women don’t need saving. We are fully capable of birthing our own babies.
What about the father of this baby? He is also stripped off from his natural instincts of being the protector of his family. He is standing in a corner, totally emasculated by the practices of this system such as consenting for another male (doctor) to check his partner’s cervical dilation. He is silenced.
The only touch a baby needs when is being born and soon after, is the mother’s touch, not the cold touch of sterile, plastic gloves. I will never forget the first time I touched my baby’s head after THREE DAYS of birthing. The encouragement it gave me, the bond it solidified—it’s an experience that remains vividly in my cellular memory. Every time I touched my baby’s head in the months following, I felt that same connection.
Reconnecting with Our Primal Nature
This touch is not just neurologically compatible; it’s multi-dimensional. While we’ve created lists defining what a gentle or natural birth should be, real-life practice often falls short. There’s still stress, interference, and an overabundance of people trying to “save” the baby, just in case it doesn’t breathe. This intrusion disrupts the mother-baby dyad—a neurological and emotional bond crucial for health and well-being, crucial for not merely surviving but THRIVING!
So, how much do I include in my online course? I want this piece of work, my legacy, to be more than just listing factors such as ‘have low lighting, no stress, and aim to have skin-to-skin with your baby’. This work is about reclaiming our humanity and understanding how our babies are meant to enter this world, just like every other animal. It is about accepting and reconnecting to OUR PRIMAL NATURE and its inherent wisdom!
A Call to Collective Awakening
We’ve disturbed birth, strayed far from our natural paths, driven by fear—a fear perpetuated by a system that undermines our sovereignty over our own bodies. If there’s one mission I have, it’s to tap into the power of my somatic intelligence and inspire other women to do the same. This journey is not just about individual transformation; it’s a collective awakening to our true nature. By embracing our bodies, our menstruation, our sexuality, and our birthing process, we can restore the sacredness that birth deserves. This is beyond childbirth—it's about reconnecting to the deep, innate wisdom within each of us.
Reclaiming birth is not just a personal mission; it's a call to all of us who care about the future of humanity.
My upcoming online course will explore these essential truths, providing guidance for those preparing for birth, as well as those who wish to understand and support the next generation of humans entering this world. Whether you are pregnant, planning to be, or simply passionate about our collective evolution, I invite you to join the waiting list for ‘Embodied Birth’ and be the first to know when it goes live!
In addition, if you are looking for more personalized support, consider working with me through my Doula Support Program or Embodied Birth Mentorship, or book a 30-minute Discovery Call to explore how I can support you on your journey to motherhood.
With Love & Reverence
Stefanie
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